Health and Patience

It's been just over five months since the last time I went in for chemo. That's weird. In one more month I'll have as many months of post-chemo as I had of going through chemo. That's weird too.

Life is so nice not being sick! This Thanksgiving was so different from last year, when I was a skeleton who was in so much pain. A year ago I didn't even know I had Crohn's yet. Last year I remember seeing so much good food, and even loading up my plate to eat, but ending up only eating a a few bites. Derek had to finish eating the food on my plate for me. My body was depleted and tired, and we hadn't even started chemotherapy. Last November was definitely one of the lowest and hardest parts of my (and Derek's) life.

But this year was so great. Health! I helped cook the rolls, green bean casserole and began learning the way of the pies, under the tutelage of my mother-in-law Mary. I didn't have room to eat seconds, but I had a generous plate and ate everything (except the jello). I even ate a few bites off Derek's plate! We have been enjoying leftovers and life.

For the past few Thanksgivings that I've spent with Derek's family, we have gone around the table and said what we are grateful for, and then we'll share a word that sums up a goal for the next year. This year I said that I was grateful for health. So grateful. Every day I thank God that I am alive, not in pain, and once again able to do things. And I'm so grateful that my family and friends are in good health too (take care of yourselves my friends! I want you all to live long and happy lives!).

The word that I chose for my goal this year is patience. I can be pretty patient with other people, but it is an entirely different thing to be patient with yourself. But that's what I need as my body continues to heal. I'm so much healthier than I've been in ages, so I often forget that I need to still take things slow. My body is quick to help me remember to slow down by quickly becoming exhausted. I need lots of rest at night and I get frustrated when I am to tired or weak to do things. Sometimes I cry when I feel like I'm not making progress. It's not easy. But it's easier when I try to point out the good things that I do have and what I can do. I'm learning to be okay with setbacks, and to look at the positive ways in which I've progressed.

Being madly in love with your best friend also helps. *saaaaaappy loooooove*


And now for some frequently asked questions!

Do you exercise?
Yes and no. I walk to school most days of the week, which takes me 30 minutes. And it's uphill on the way back, so I sometimes have to stop and catch my breath. Basic things like walking and grocery shopping are draining, so I could those as exercise. But no, I'm not out running or anything.

How much do you weigh? How much did you weigh?
I weigh 115 lbs right now!!! AMAZING. I've gained 20 lbs in the past six months. I was 123 lbs before I started getting sick two years ago, but 115 is average for both my grandmas (when they were younger) and I have the exact same body type as both of them. So I am in a really good range. Waaaaaay better than the 83 lbs of last winter. MY CURVES CAME BACK HURRAY.

What can you eat?
Anything! But I don't feel good when I eat straight dairy, so I limit that to cheese and homemade yogurt, and the small doses that are cooked in stuff. I can eat grain again, but try to limit that. Derek and I eat somewhere in between paleo and vegetarian.

Do you feel like you are back to normal?
No. I'm still nowhere near as healthy as I was two and a half years ago. And it'll take me years to get back there. But I am in drastically better health than any point in the past two years. Some things feel more normal, like being able to take care of myself, and to even take care of my husband (for the first time since we've been married), but it comes and goes. Sometimes I'll have a week or two where I'm so very tired and don't get as much done. But then other times I'll be a boss lady and clean stuff and do homework and everything. I take it day to day, and try to stay patient and positive.

And Happy Halloween (very late, but whatever) from the Von Trapp family!

What we eat

FOOD! I love food! Usually. With cancer and Crohn's and chemo, sometimes I really don't like food and it makes me sick just thinking about it. But in general I do absolutely love food.

Currently we focus on eating fresh vegetables, fruits, meat, fish, and healthy fats. We avoid sugar, dairy, legumes, and grains.

So that's the general rule of thumb. There are some exceptions and I'll tell you about them! But if you are going to make us food (thank you!) just go with the above statement.

Vegetables!
We love vegetables! We like them in soups, salads, raw, steamed, baked, mashed, the list goes on and on. There are so many different types of vegetables out there too! It's fun to experiment or find new ways to cook old favorites. Vegetables are usually the main dish, but this can be hard to stomach sometimes when my body isn't feeling great.

We also are trying to juice more often, and the best juices for your body have tons of vegetables! Again, sometimes I can't deal with drinking juice, but when I can I do!

We have switched to buying organic produce as much as we can. One reason is because while I'm on chemo my immune system is shot, and pesticides can actually get me sick. Another big reason is GMOs—just look into them and maybe you'll change your mind.

Fruits!
Derek loves fruit! And I do too (but not as much as him). But, sugar in any form is cancer's favorite source of energy, so I've cut back to 1 or 2 servings of fruit a day. Again we're on the organic train here, and we also like dried fruits like coconut, mango and dates.

Meat and fish!
We do eat meat and fish! And a fair amount of it. Especially chicken, because that's what my body feels like it needs and can usually tolerate eating. We don't eat too much red meat because of the high iron content, which is another favorite for growing cancer cells. Any meat we do eat we choose to buy organic: grass-fed for the cows, free-range for the chickens and eggs. This makes a huge difference! Not only in flavor, tenderness, and deliciousness, but in quality. There is a major difference between the rotisserie chickens at Costco and the ones at Sprouts (our local health food store).

There are so many reasons why buying organic meat is so important (ethical, health, common sense) so look into it and try to make an effort to buy good meat and fish.

We also are into making bone broth from leftover bones! It is so delicious and full of good nutrients and gelatin. Just google 'bone broth' to learn about the benefits.

Healthy fats!
Fats are not bad! Your body needs them. For real. So cut the margarine and read the first chapter of Nourishing Traditions. It's about fats. We eat and cook with extra-virgin olive oil (but never heated), coconut oil, avocado oil, grapeseed oil, and lots and lots of grass-fed butter (for me especially). Not all fats and oils and created equal, but these ones are awesome!

Nuts and seeds!
We do also eat some nuts and seeds. We've been making our own almond milk, which is amazingly delicious. We'll snack on nuts every now and then (mostly Derek) but if they aren't soaked it can irritate my gut.



Now, here's what we avoid, and why:

Sugar
As soon as I was diagnosed with cancer we cut this guy out. And it's gonna stay out. We haven't really missed it, to be surprisingly honest. We still eat naturally-occurring sugar from fruit, and we do occasionally nibble on dark chocolate or raw local honey, but other than that we are pretty sugar-free (and by "sugar-free" we're definitely not eating products that say they're "sugar-free" because there's usually aspartame in them which is way worse for cancer). I get headaches from drinking a bottle of Gatorade (to stay hydrated with them electrolytes, which is super important while on chemo) and tummy aches too. So sugar in nearly all forms is out of our diet.

Dairy
Milk and I are not friends. You can read more about this on Derek's blog. Other than our homemade raw milk yogurt and the occasional high-quality cheese, we currently have no dairy in our life.

Legumes
Pretty straightforward here. We don't eat beans. I don't feel good when I eat them, so we don't eat them. I'd like to experiment with soaking and sprouting in the long run, but right now we are just doing without.

Grains
Total avoidance of gluten due to gut irritability. So no white or wheat flour for us. We actually do eat some grains. It's so important that I don't lose weight, and sometimes that means nothing sounds good except rice and butter. We occasionally eat rice, quinoa, rice noodles, and corn tortillas. But many meals are totally devoid of even those grains. It's not hard to have a delicious vegetable-heavy meal.



Please note:
None of these foods are inherently "bad" or "good." Moderation and balance are key, and right now we are listening very intently to my body. This diet works for us because we've done a lot of research about foods that are the least inflammatory for my Crohn's, while maximizing calories and nutrients to help keep me strong enough to fight cancer.

Why we eat what we eat

Many of you know that I love food. I love to cook (thanks Mom!) and I really love to feed people. I'm sure many of you reading this have been over to my apartment/house for a meal/party/dinner/etc. at some point. This is the story of how Derek and I ended up eating the way we do. If you just want to see what we eat, go to this post.

Understanding what foods are good for me started my sophomore year when I accepted a challenge to be vegan for a month. That was life-changing, because I ended up accidentally going off sugar for that month as well. 

Here's what I learned from being vegan:

1) I was not eating nearly enough vegetables

2) how much free food is actually just crap

3) My body felt really different after a month of this change, so 

4) FOOD AFFECTS HOW I FEEL

After that month I thought about returning to being vegan, but I knew that I wasn't doing it right. I knew I still needed protein, and definitely more vegetables. But how do you cook vegetables other than like, salads and carrotsticks?! So I reintroduced meat, eggs, and some dairy (I stopped drinking milk and stuck with almond milk from here on out), though I made an effort to not eat meat every day. 

About a year later, my roommate Laura started eating "paleo." It was a very odd diet, and I didn't really understand why anyone would want to live a life without pasta. I was interested, but skeptical. Eating like a caveman, really? No thanks. 

I head out to Europe and that opens the doors to amazing food. 

Things I learned while living in Europe:

1) Fresh produce and food is best! It really does make a difference

2) Eat local. In Sweden especially, so much of the food is grown/raised/caught not too far from where it's sold. Plus, you can always go berry and mushroom picking in the forest. Always.

3) Americans are fat. Ask any European what they think of America, and bingo: fatty. And if you compare Americans to the Europeans, it's no wonder.

4) Bigger is not better. I could probably write a whole post about fridges in Europe. They are tiny! Which is actually amazing! It starts with urban design: most people use public transport to travel, and because of this usually choose to grocery shop several times a week (if not every day) as opposed to once a week. The quantities of food that they bring home are smaller and fresher, and there isn't a need for a huge fridge to store tons of food. So fridges and freezers are small, and the food is fresh. I love it.

Come my senior year I start following some people on Instagram who are talking about this "Whole 30" thing. It was some sort of diet challenge that lasted 30 days, or something. Not really sure. During this time Derek and I start dating and falling in love. Derek is keen to say that he fell in love with my cooking, as well as me. We were avid farmer's market attendees and cooked dinner together almost every night. We loved green smoothies, yogurt with homemade granola, pasta with zucchini sauce, quinoa vegetable pilaf and mexican chicken soup. We got married, moved to New York, lived in 100 square feet of love with a mini fridge and two burners and a sink, and loved it. We made all kinds of curry (too often), fresh summer salads, and melty tomato cheese sandwiches. 

On subway trips to and from work that summer I read It Starts with Food by Dallas and Melissa Hartwig. It was the introduction to understanding good principles of nutrition that I needed. These were the creators of the Whole 30 Challenge, which challenges you to cut out all dairy, legumes, sugar, and grain for a strict thirty days as way to better understand how your body reacts to food. After those thirty days, you slowly reintroduce each of the aforementioned types of food and see how your body reacts to them. It's amazing how poorly we listen to our bodies and how powerfully our bodies react to food. I also love that this program does not count calories or restrict how much you eat. Eat until you are full and satisfied. Listen to your body. Feed it nutrient-rich, good foods. I loved how this book explained how your body works in regards to breaking down  fats, proteins and carbs, and why a diet (lifestyle, really) of fruits, vegetables, meats, fish, and healthy fats gives your body energy and nutrients that you otherwise might be deficient of.

I thought about doing a Whole 30 challenge when Derek and I returned to Provo and settled down a bit, buuuuut needless to say things came up. Like cancer and stuff. 

SO, once I was diagnosed with Hodgkin's lymphoma, more research began. There are some people who have been able to fight and heal cancer through drastic diet changes. I found their stories very interesting, and a fairly common tenet is to blast your body with nutrients via green smoothies, freshly juiced vegetables and a raw vegan diet. I think healing through nutrition is wonderful, but after prayer and many, many talks with Derek we didn't feel like that was the road for us. For many of the people who heal their cancer through nutrition, the lifestyle change was huge. From pizzas, sodas and fast food to the green smoothie and vegan diet was a drastic change. For Derek and I, it would have been a different change, but not drastic. We felt like my body needed something else.

Aaand when we found out I had Crohn's just a few months later we saw the wisdom in that earlier impression. With my gut so sensitive and an underactive stomach, my body would not be able to handle a raw vegan diet, at all. Also with the extreme weight loss that I've had over the past few months (nearly 40 lbs, which is not bueno at all) a diet of pure vegetables wouldn't help me maintain and gain weight. 

And so, I read the following books, compared information, prayed about what foods we needed to be eating at this point in our lives, and have gleaned a diet that works for Derek and me right now. I wanted to share the best sources of information that I've gathered together, and in the next post detail what we actually eat.

So here's what I've been reading the past few months in regards to food:

Natural Strategies for Cancer Patients by Russell L. Blaylock, M.D. 
This book rocks. If you have cancer, you should read it. Pretty much by juicing, including lots of vegetables in your diet, and taking certain supplements can help your treatments be more effective at killing cancer cells, as well as reduce nasty side effects of said treatments.

Nourishing Traditions by Sally Fallon
My favorite. I am in awe with how thorough and well-researched this book is. The first sixty pages are a heavy-duty crash course in nutrition (like why some fats are good, breaking down myths about protein and carbs, etc.) and then the rest of the book is recipes. Fallon looks at what cultures have been eating for centuries, and using food science explains why preparing food though soaking, fermenting and sprouting helps make food more digestible and nutritious.

On Food and Cooking by Harold McGee
Cool book right here. (And yes I like to draw on books) This is the bible of food science and chemistry. Not only is everything is this book totally fascinating, but everything in this book is so applicable. I like comparing what I read in other books or online to what this book has to say.


If you are wanting to learn more about food and change your eating habits, I would strongly recommend you read Nourishing Traditions and In Defense of Food by Michael Pollan. If you need a program to stick to, read It Starts with Food. These books offer a great introduction to real food and give sound nutritional knowledge. Once you start to create your own base understanding of food, you can then customize your diet to fit your needs. The way Derek and I are eating now is not the way we will be eating in a year. Our diet fits our specific health needs, as should yours! Maybe paleo is right for you, maybe vegan, or maybe some combination of the two. Be smart and informed about the way you eat.

Okay, I'm off the soapbox now. Let's talk about food!

Viking dinners, yes.

Yup okej, Sometimes we just eat like vikings.

Yes with this silverware.

And this is the dwarf chicken that I ordered and ate with my fingers.

And this is our group! Final days of Sweden. Well spent at the viking restaurant, where the staff was dressed in viking attire, there was live viking music, and the food was extremely authentic, down to reindeer heart and strange delicious mush-stuff.

The walk home was nice and rainy. We were all soaked by the time we got to the station. But it was so beautiful along the way. And not too dark for 22:00.

Trail running, again.

Sometimes you just have to stop and eat the berries. It's Sweden.

And then you end up on trails that take you here:

I love this.

Is this real life?

 I didn't know kinder eggs could be purchased in tons.

Ode to Kinder.

Kinder supresa (or Kinder ägg, as they are called here), I've missed you. I hadn't eaten you for 13 years. I'm glad we met once again. You were delicious.


Though your toys were cooler back in the day.

I want this book

http://uk.phaidon.com/store/food-cook/faviken-9780714864709/

We went to a Swedish bookstore the other day, and I spent most of the time in the cookbook section. Gaaaah they're so beautiful.

Roadt trippin: Part III

Okej, next day.

Wake up, eat a most healthy and delicious continental breakfast (waaaay better than in the States), and then hit the road. We drove the the Dala Horse factory! Here's how they make them:

And here's what we did:

And then we went to Anders Zorn's museum and house:

And then hit ICA (grocery store) for some food. Here's my lunch:

Pear flavor is the best.

And then back in the car for a few more hours. There was giant tofu block and marshmallow spottings:

And then to the viking graves. Instead of putting up stones or anything, they piled up huge mounds of dirt, which then became hills and part of the landscape. It's a pretty cool idea. Not to mention WAY old.

Photo by Heather Hackney.

Photo by Heather Hackney.

Photo by Heather Hackney.

Journey of dreams (aka road trip), part II

We left for Dalarna Thursday morning at 8 am. We rented two cars, and then 9 of us piled in and started driving. Our car was full of ardent viking fans, so out car was christened "Sleipner"—the name of the 8-legged horse that Loki birthed. Boom. Some creativity with a viking stencil helped create a lovely mascot.

It was a pretty new volvo that we were driving, and it had a sick bluetooth hookup.  We were able to stream music from 7 different Apple devices without even having to plug in. The miracles of modern technology are sweet and glorious.

This was our car group. Yeaaah. Photo by Heather Hackney.

We stopped at an old church, whose name I can't remember, but was significant because of the ornate medieval decor that did not get painted over during the reformation.

Our group of viking warriors by a viking rune. Photo by Heather Hackney.

A few hours later we had all had a healthy dose of Muse and Robyn, we made it to Carl Larsson's house! It was so beautiful. Oh, stunning. I really loved a lot of things about it.

Thrifting in Dalarna. We didn't find anything good.

An outdoor peice (with typography) at the Dalarna Museum.

After Carl Larsson and the Dalarna Museum, we skipped around the corner to Top Hat where we had a really nice dinner together as a class. I got a burger with pesto sauce and a side of "fries."

On the drive to the hotel, we stopped by the copper mines in Stora Kopparberg. It's a world heritage site! I think Sweden has quite a few. Drottningholm Palace was another one... The mines were pretty intense. They are so massive, and what you see if only the surface. The tunnels go so deep; it's hard to fathom.

And then after the mines we drove to our hotel, but stopped by a lake to tromp around a golden field... Because it was so beautiful. I love the sunsets that last forever here.

Our group! Photo by Heather Hackney.

Notice the backpack thrust into the frame. Lovely.

And then, after all of these things packed into one day, we somehow mustered enough energy to go jump in the lake. Which was freezing cold, but super stunning. The sun was still setting, so the sky was full of pinks and purples, and the water just reflected it. It was a neat experience to swim in a swirling lake of color. Oh also, the lake was formed by a meteor impact a million years ago. Not every day that you swim in meteor lakes. In Sweden. With good friends. At sunset. Gaaaahhh. I love it here.

At least it's fresh

Scoop your own shrimp. I think this is why the grocery store smells the way it does.

Shopping tip

Know the name of the food in Swedish before you try to find/purchase it. Because whilst searching for flour, you may come across this ominous wall:

Does "vetemjöl" sound remotely like flour? Could this be sugar? Or is that "grahamsmjöl"? If vetemjöl is indeed flour, do you want "ekologist vetemjöl" or "vetemjöl special"? And what about "dinkelmjöl," "rågmjöl," and "rågsikt"?!

That was a moment in which I was very grateful that most Swedes speak English. And also for killer logical reasoning skills—thank you SAT—because you would have to believe that regular flour is what they would have the most of on hand, in addition to white flour being the cheapest kind of flour. We double checked with a Swede, and turns out we selected well.

What we do on Saturdays

Yup. That's what we do on Saturday. That, then we are some more, and after we watched Troll Hunter (in Norweigan, mind you) on my laptop. While eating these godis. Yuuummmmm.

I think I'm in Europe.

Some kind of mystery meat sausage, root vegetables (potatis, broccoli, parsnip, and carrots), Jarlsberg cheese, and some fruktis saft. Yummm.

Good design makes things taste better.

Doesn't this just make you love Sweden?

Watch this and then just glory in the loveliness of Sweden.

I LOVE IT HERE.

Digestive!

YUM. 

Digestive is actually the cracker that is inside of the (really delicious) chocolate. Don't worry too much. It's actually a really tasty treat. :D

London, day two

The tube. Each station is decorated differently. Thought this one was pretty interesting.

Day two: getting the hang of things. The day started with a trip to the art store to buy a sketchbook. An A5 size sketchbook. Yes.

Then a trip to Borough Market, which was amazing. I took a lot of photos, but on my camera. So you'll have to wait till the end of summer to see those. At the market we bought all sorts of fresh food! Strawberries, baby carrots, apricots, apple, banana, fresh sourdough bread, and brie. It was a good trip. And got a three or four meals for the next few days.

Then, laden with our food, we went to Regent Park, which was beautiful. Queen Mary's rose garden was incredible. I think I have a new favorite flower. Even though roses are a bit cliche. After seeing nearly 100 varieties, and smelling at least 30 of them, they're a hard flower not to love. We ate our little lunch on a bench, and just enjoyed the general splendor.

Asian tourist baby that got tired of riding his scooter.

Lunch. 

After that lovely lunch, we caught the tube back to London Bridge station and walked along the Thames to the Tate Modern. Amazing museum. Lots of good things in there. Even just a few hours in there doesn't feel like enough. I'll post about it another night though—I'm so tired!

Another ride on the tube to a place we heard had "free live jazz music and sketch." Turns out it was inside of a restaurant, that was extremely high class. Like people wearing diamonds and party dressed, hopping out of limos and what not. Uh, so we did not go in. They had a bouncer wearing a bowler cap!

We ended up grabbing lunch in a little cafe across the street instead, and eating the rest of our strawberries. The food in London is pretty healthy. I like how they eat. Though it's pricey. But, maybe that's just Europe.

Another observation: things are pretty energy-efficient here. Or, at least use-as-little-energy-as-possible. From low pressure sinks and showers, to tiny cars and a killer public transport system it's been fun to see a very different way of living. Though a little less fun when you have to press a button every 11 seconds in the shower to keep the water flowing. But I'm not complaining. I'M IN EUROPE!