Operation day

WRITTEN ON THURSDAY, SEPT. 11

After surgery, we kept busy for a little bit. We ate at Cubby's with Derek's parents (that tri-tip salad is so good), and then returned home after eating. I had to set up some follow up appointments, and Derek had class, so we split, and when he got back I was restless so we walked up to the Provo Temple. After the operation, the surgeon had told Derek that it looked like my lymph nodes were cancerous. So we talked about cancer a little bit, but it still seemed a little surreal. Like, how do we tell people? And when? What's cancer going to be like? And we didn't really have answers to those questions. So we went home and watched the BYU football game on my laptop while eating stroganoff (thank you Mom Mary Miller!) and drinking elderflower drink (thank you Ikea).

It wasn't until I finally started to feel tired around 11 pm that we let ourselves really think. It took us a while to figure out how I was going to sleep, since my neck muscles were just really sore from the excision, but three pillows did the trick. I guess it was when it was finally dark and quiet that my brain really started to process what was going on. Cancer is scary. There are so many unknowns. But I think it's gonna be hard. And really uncomfortable. I might lose my hair. And throw up a lot. And not be able to sleep well. There are gonna be lots of pokings and prickings and hospital visits. And that's not exactly very fun.

But, lying next to me is a pretty dang incredible man, who loves me with all his heart. For whatever reason, I have this sickness right now. And it's pretty good timing. I am so grateful that I am married to this man who is here to support me, mop up gallons of tears and fluff my pillows when I can't move my right shoulder. I love him, and know that God has a plan for us.